I'm still here!

How can it be 23rd September?

You have in front of you all the evidence you need to know why I'd be a rubbish blogger - there I was - telling you the story of my experiences and I left us all hanging, waiting to see what happened with the radiotherapy!

Catch up time (this is likely to be very rambly, so you'll be excused if you want to just skim read)

My radiotherapy started with a CT scan at the end of June.  The process includes careful examination of exactly where the lump used to be and tattoos on my chest to ensure that the equipment used to deliver the radiotherapy can line up to exactly the same spot, every single time.  I say 'tattoo' ... turns out they were actually blue biro spots dotted on my skin and then scratched to make them permanent - classy! I have one between my breasts and one on either side of my chest - only visible if you really have a close look.

Part of the process while having the scan, which included getting on and off the table to practice getting lined up, was checking if I could hold my breath.  Having had a lump on the left hand side, the radiation dose that was going to be delivered was likely to also catch the edge of the lung on that side, but also could catch the edge of my heart.  The assumption is always that what ever the potential side effects of having radiotherapy, the sterilisation of the tissue where the lump had occurred is of more benefit.  I'm not one to argue with the medics.  The breath holding was to ensure everything about me was as still as possible during the delivery of the dose, minimising as much as possible the impact to the surrounding organs.  My years of yoga practise have had many benefits over the years, this was one of them!  I'm pretty good at holding my breath, but I also understood that it was the stillness they were looking for; I got a gold star for being the best at breath control that week.  I'm so easily pleased.

Couple of weeks later, starting 7th July, I rocked up for my first session.

St Thomas' is just off Westminster Bridge and I'd asked if I could have early appointments as I was intending to go into work each day.  The first moment of joy was discovering that they have an M&S Cafe as part of the offering for visitors!  My route in was going to be the overground and then underground with the route out a bus to the office in Streatham.  

My tendency to catch early trains, getting into the central bits of London before the 8am rush, meant that there were a couple of occasions when I was there before the staff.  July was a very hot month and the waiting area for the unit had a very efficient air con unit so actually I was very happy to be early and waiting.

The treatment took 3 weeks (every work day) and I was usually in there between 8.30 and 9.  The actual zapping takes about a minute in total, the majority of the time you're in there is the process of getting you lined up and in exactly the right positon to ensure it's only the breast and ex-lump area that get blasted.  

A lot of the pre-treatment meetings throughout this entire process are to give you lots of details of possible side effects (and to sign things saying you're not pregnant!) and I think I did pretty well.  I was diligent with the cream it's suggested you apply, slapping it on twice a day.  I also wore all the horrible big soft bras to reduce the rubbing on the area.  It's not a painful process, but I did experience swelling of the tissues (this poor breast has been yoyoing in size ever since this started!) and after the first couple of weeks I definitely knew I was cooking from the inside.  I also understood why they wanted me to keep hydrated, if you're cooking you dry out really quickly!

All the staff were amazing as of course you'd expect - patient with the patients, quick and efficient with the processes - we had one day when I took twice the usual time because we just couldn't get me straight.  The dose was delivered correctly, but it took much longer than it should have done.  I did pretty well on the breath holding, I reckon I hit my mark about 90% of the time.  

The last treatment was 27th July; the day before I had a check up, but all they were really interested in was the state of my skin, which everyone had been happy with so there wasn't anything for anyone to be concerned about.   

It was in the last week and then on into the next four that I really understood what was meant by the fatigue that is often a side effect of radiotherapy.  It's slightly odd in that I didn't feel tired as such, (I wasn't sleeping any more than usual) but with no real energy to do anything.  I went into work each day and was very grateful for the routine and the chance to focus on something that wasn't about me.  Of course being around people is also a good thing, even if only to remind you how nice it is to be on your own in the evening ... but that was about all I could manage, home and sofa sitting.  I also seem to have lost the urge to drink at home ... which is odd ... if I'm out with friends I'm happily having wine (although I seem to have become a bit of a lightweight) but at home I'm making cups of tea and baking cakes instead.  


The end of August brought another check in with the Oncology department, another look at the boob (everyone is thrilled with how it looks - I've had to stop myself from pointing out it looked better before ...) and check on side effects - which meant I'd run out of excuses to start on the Tamoxifen.

23rd September and I'm 30 days in on the oestrogen suppressant.  The list of side effects is horrendous (if you read the leaflet) and different according to each professional I've spoken to.  I've not turned into a dried up hag yet, but I could be taking these pills for five years so that may happen anyway.  


The basic summary for the last three months is that I'm fine.  I look well, the girls look pretty much as they used to (when I'm in the molded bras - the soft ones do look a bit lopsided now and I've had to rethink some of my outfits as it's not attractive when all the buttons on your shirt pull heavily to the right) I feel quite normal and mostly just incredibly lucky that it's all been straight forward and now it's just regular check ups.